intransparent

chill layers

                    chill sunlight
                                    refracts
          at the brittle surface

                    —I try

                            to look through
                    thick layers of ice
               beneath my feet

                          am 
                        I 
               stable?

              the bleak water
                             hides
                                    what’s latent

         yet
                    sleeping
                                    —waiting

                        intransparent life
                  lies before me
            within reach

                       though
                             intangible
                                            still

       I dream of
                breaking down
            my armor

                                 —my distance

                              gleaming water
                         embraces me
                     mends the fractures

                 I
                   am
                        safe

      (as) the freezing cold
                                                 —slowly
 creeps inside

                                            purges
                                        the
                    imperfections

      —I strike the core

                                            will
                                          I
                                   dare?

                     to crack 
                            the impervious 
                                               surface?

You never know where the next step leads you. That’s the beauty and the danger in making decisions. But you have to choose.

I always tried to play safe, because some of the decisions I made had consequences I didn’t expect and I wasn’t able to deal with. 

So I stayed in toxic relationships and unhealthy jobs. I was more afraid of change than of bearing an unbearable situation, I was afraid of the uncertainty after the decision.

But I guess a free fall is better than staying in custody.